Relationships – in and out
I’m 25. And from what I gather from the people around me, 2 things can happen to couples who have been in a relationship for more than 3 years:
1) Get hitched
2) Break up
Extremities are always a funny thing and crossroads are so extreme they aren’t funny.
I’m trying to not go all neurotic about being in a 5-year relationship, but Hollywood and romance novels always plays up on the new, the better looking and the more charming that will blow your mind away. And being a Gemini, it’s not always easy to be bought over by familiarity and sentimentality.
So while I struggle and submerge myself at the same time in routine – ie. weekends = boyfriend and nobody else comes in between – I started thinking… Is he the one?
Don’t worry, I’m not a “The One” hunter. I don’t believe in the knight in shining armour, I don’t dig the whole true love thing, honestly. But I can’t deny how foreboding all these negative examples around us.
Sugar and I are in the process of getting a flat. And I’m excited by the fact that I’m getting to do up my own home… from the dark bedroom to the walk-in wardrobe to the photoshopped centre piece I’d love to incorporate within the living room (I’ve always wanted to be a designer!). We’re even in talks of getting the engagement ring (my mom has volunteered to bring the bf to her jeweller). By the way, I think I’m going to get to choose my own ring, just in case! Sugar has had a quite a few misses when it comes to… female fashion.
So, what makes us think we can stay together?
I’ve shocked many people with the “no kids!” talk. Frankly, I really don’t mind having kids, provided we have a combined disposable income of about… S$15,000? And I’d like to take care of the kid myself, so it means Sugar will have to come up with an annual income of S$180,000? AHAHAHA.
I’m not the “oh I’m so scared it’d hurt”. I’m not a perfectionist, but I don’t want my kid to be under-treated in any way. I want him/her to have the best, I want him/her to be able to develop his/her talents at a tender age, I don’t want to have constraints.
So that sums up my theory of “no kids!”. Which makes growing old a scary thing.
I’m big on insurance policies. Because I’m functioning like I’d not have a kid to pay for my dentures and medical bills in the future.
And today, when I bugged Sugar for an answer to “why he thinks our relationship will last”, he managed a “because we haven’t killed one another yet” and went on with a better “I want to grow old with you”.
That’s really sweet, and I really love Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler, but what does growing old mean for a young couple like us? Without kids? What are we supposed to go to on weekends? Are we enough to keep the relationship going at 50?
Kids are scary. They cry, they poop, they have weekly spelling tests in school.
I don’t like that at all.
So what’s to become a childless marriage in 30 years’ time?
And why is this making me doubt marriage!?
Now, I realised the root of the problem, it’s not that I’m not sure about Sugar (altho he could be richer, funnier and less into tech gadgets and gangster shows on Crime and Investigation) it’s that I fear growing old!
Omg, I am one messed up person.
And I believe Sugar will get there someday… and be able to accompany me to concerts and plays and learn how to drink wine and… drive a nice car. Truthfully, besides these little things that are lacking (which are really not life and death), he’s a darling. He’s kind-hearted (most of the time), he respects my family (even tho he has pulled black faces before them previously under various circumstances) and makes me feel like I’m the smartest, funniest, most charming person on earth. HAHA.
So, I guess that sums it all up. Joanna isn’t afraid of getting married. She’s afraid of growing old.
She also happens to be afraid of children. So much so, she doubts she’s able to juggle being a mummy and an employee at the same time because that’d make her murderous and suicidal at the same time.
EEEK.
To the rest of the couples out there… Know what you’re in and know what you’re getting into.
And getting married means I can move out! Yeay!
