I’ve made up my mind.

Very rarely do I end up in such situations. It never happens, especially when it comes to shoes, bags, clothes or never culminates into something as major as this when it comes to hairstyles, hair colours, insurance policies and boyfriends.

I pretty much always know what I want. “Follow your heart” is a very difficult thing to do. In my blog when I was much younger, I wrote about how it was impossible to “be myself” because essentially, I take on persona’s like a thespian. I assimilate myself into different environments, I speak differently to different people. Everyone says something different about me. Which is what I’m proud of. But that also means my life is a pretense. I think I studied too much of absurdist theatre. Literature ruined my life.

And so I was stranded. Well, that Marcom job cancelled on my because the “Country Manager could only make it next week and they didn’t want to pursue this further (fucking make up your mind). And after thinking about how the Marketing job could mutate into something I’d tried and ran away from previously in a fit of disgust, I have decided to take on Public Relations.

I have been warned. Long hours, crazy Clients, 24 hour call-back for crisis management. How much of me is prepared for the job, I don’t know. But thoughts of having to spruce up my wardrobe and start the whole advertising suit thing is quite exciting. I’d consulted with friends, colleagues, family. And somehow Family (Gary included) have told me to go ahead with the PR job. Maybe cuz they know me too well. Maybe cuz they know I was preventing myself from exploring that option because I feared that I’d neglect them in the process. And it was endearing, how they are supportive of my current career direction.

So after a divine lot from the Bugis Temple which pretty much just says everything will be fine anyway, stop worrying and coin tosses that said PR 3 times, I’m now pretty sure that. Know what, this is a calling. How I even got to the PR job sounds like an uncanny fairytale that seems predestined. I know. I’m getting into my anti-determinism state of mind again. Well, I’m a deep believer of chance, fate, destiny. And maybe I should just, leave myself to it this time.

So now, what should I tell the other company…

How about…

YOU SUCK?

~ by janathema on April 1, 2009.